Matthew 10: 24-39
I have been involved in teaching Religious education or instruction
in schools for just over 20 years and each year as I begin with a new class I
hand out a get to know you sheet. I have
provide one each for you this morning.
As you can see on the sheet students are asked to finish the
sentence, “The most important thing in my life is...”
Through 20 years of teaching classes from Grade 3 through
Grade 7 one answer dominates this sentence.
It comes up again and again.
The most important thing in my life is... Family!
The idea that family is the most important thing in life
constantly comes through in pastoral conversations in congregations as well.
Family is important to us, really important. It is, no doubt, important to you, just as it
is important to me.
Despite its importance another lesson I have learnt over 20
years of teaching in schools and working with congregations is that how we define
what a family is varies a great deal.
When I ask students to draw a picture of the people they live with this
reality is often emphasized.
Some families have one parent. Some families have half brothers or sisters. Some families have a step dad or step mum. Some families now have 2 dads or 2 mums. Some families include grandparents and some
include the whole wider family. Family is important but families are also
defined by culture and the experience of life.
It is amongst all this importance that we place on families
as well as alongside the ambiguous definition of what family means that we come
and hear Jesus words from Matthew’s gospel:
For I have come to set
a man against his father,
and a daughter against
her mother,
and a daughter-in-law
against her mother-in-law;
36 and one’s foes will
be members of one’s own household.
37Whoever loves father
or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter
more than me is not worthy of me!
Taken at face value we could assume that Jesus is attacking
the idea and place of family and elevating individuals and their choices.
We could make sense of this by reflecting on the concept of
family from Jesus time, which is quite different to how modern Western people understand
family. Family meant the household, it
could include slaves and servants, the father was the head, and women had a
particular place. If one member of the
family did something wrong it would bring shame to the whole family. Honour would have to be restored.
Jesus could be challenging this idea of the binding ties of
family but such a reading of Jesus words put us in direct conflict with other
parts of the scriptures, let me share just a few:
1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his
relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith
and is worse than an unbeliever.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ
also loved the church and gave Himself up for her
Wife Proverbs 31:31 Honour her [your wife] for all that her
hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Exodus 20:12 Honour your father and your mother, so that you
may live long in the land the Lord, your God is giving you.
Psalm 127:3-5 Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children
born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
So which is it and what can we do with this complicated
issue. Are our biological ties to one another important or not?
If we return to the passage from Matthew and consider the
words that Jesus first speaks I believe we might find some help here:
“‘A disciple is not above the teacher, nor a slave above the
master; it is enough for the disciple to be like the teacher, and the slave
like the master.’”
The question that might be raised by this comment then is
what was Jesus relationship with his own family, how did he view them.
If we read on in Matthew’s gospel to Matthew 12 we get an interesting
insight.
In Matthew 12 verse 47 and 48 is says, “Someone told Him,
“Look, Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”
48But Jesus replied, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49Pointing to
His disciples, He said, “Here are my mother and my brothers.”
Jesus view of the idea of family here is not to diminish it
but to augment it. Family is not defined
by biological ties but is defined by the growing relationship he had with those
outside his own family – his disciples.
The restriction of who could be part of the family changed,
the goal post was shifted. The fact that
he defines the disciples as mother and brothers reminds us of how important
Jesus views family to be, yet at the same through his words Jesus time elevates
others into his family.
When we combine this with his sayings in Chapter 10 about
putting God above family then maybe we could summarise Jesus’ teaching about
family like this.
We should not elevate our
family above God. Rather we should elevate others into our family to honour
God.
Let me repeat that:
We should not elevate our
family above God. Rather we should elevate others into our family to honour
God.
Years ago I can remember reading the influential book Being as Communion by the Orthodox
theologian John Zizioulas. In the book
he speaks of our baptism drawing us beyond our biological ties and into the family
of God with God.
Another way of recognising this is to speak of each other as
brothers and sisters in Christ. The
exclusive biological boundaries of family are broken down and we are reminded
of our common humanity.
From my perspective Jesus is not encouraging family division
but is about elevating others into our family,
which ultimately is the family of God.
Earlier in the week I was preaching about this issue in
another setting and I made the comment that in our contemporary world many
parents create idols of their children. Sacrificing
themselves so that the children can have everything that they want. Our hands are always open providing more and more
to them.
One of the older men there agreed with me about parents who
seem to give the children whatever they wanted.
And we spoke about the sense of entitlement many people within our
culture seem to have. But almost in the same
breath he said that it was luck the passage didn’t mention grandchildren!
The notion of elevating others into our family is not an
easy one. For me to think of other
people as being equal value as Tim and Lucy is hard for me to wrap my head
around. Yet this is the challenge that
Jesus lays before us – not to make idols of our families but to keep God at the
centre of our lives and to honour all people as members of our family.
This is important for us to grapple with as a congregation –
how do you elevate each other into being family members of one another? And, how do you elevate our Christians into
your family? I can remember saying to another
congregation that if every child that came into their midst, every family, had
been treated as mine had then I could not see why that family would ever
leave. The day I turned up at my new
manse there was a fresh meal provided and others frozen. When my children were born they were showered
with gifts. At times I was embarrassed of
the privilege treatment my family received when I could see that this was not
extended to everyone.
More than that how does this love for others extend outwards
into the community? In the reading from Genesis
were reminded that God’s concern extends even to those who appear to be cast
out. The story of Hagar and Ishmael is
another uncomfortable one for us, a difficult passage, but one which drives us
to contemplate how God views those beyond the family of God as still part of
God’s family.
37Whoever loves father
or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter
more than me is not worthy of me!
This is a difficult teaching but I would place it in the
context of the words of grace that God cares as deeply for us as any sparrow,
that God counts the hairs on our head.
Jesus presence with us is precisely because we live with these tensions
and so often fail. Paul’s letter to the
Romans from which we read struggled with these very issues of sin and works and
grace.
I believe Jesus teaching acknowledges the messiness of our
human existence. Family is important and
the idea of family is important to Jesus but it is easy for us to elevate our
family above God and distort and disrupt our relationship with God and with
others when we do this. Jesus words remind
us not to elevate our family above God,
but rather, that we should elevate others into our family to honour God. To honour the God who has freely, lovingly and
graciously drawn us into his own.